just when i thought things couldnt get worse, the batteries died in my vibrator.
I can't believe I'm wasting this thong on a guy in a sweater vest.
As soon as he lost the election, the reception's open bar became a cash bar. I have never been so disappointed in my countrymen.
My blowjobs put them in a state of relaxation similar to that of getting hit with a tranquilizer. The fear comes after the sex.
Quick question: how do I take a nice picture of my ass? I'm asking you because I figure with an ass like yours you're probably experienced.
Is it acceptable to cry on a Friday or am I supposed to drink to forget it?
I found out he put two potatoes in a jar because he wants to make his own vodka.
Two days later and my throat is still sore. That bong is a double edged sword.
I will forever remember this as The Great Jalepeno Cock Burn of 2014.
Would you like to get an apartment bong? It can be like our pet and we can give it a name.
You will bone me until my eyeballs fall out. This is not a request.
Yes. He better. Or I will shave a penis into his beard while he sleeps.
Just learned that the cute guy I've been flirting with at the beach this whole time is actually an inmate working in the community instead of being in prison.. My life is unreal
Dignity. Ruined. Must. Smoke. Weed.
Yeah, let's go with that. Fuck that weak moment of complete honesty I just had.
Randomize