awoke with 47 plastic lawn flamingos in my bed and on surrounding floor. explanation?
you said they were your minions of evil that protected you from ferrets.
Never forget that any girl can get her way if she puts her vagina on the table.
I now realize that they made gum to take the taste of dick out of your mouth.
I take back everything I said about communal showers
Exactly how does jacking off in my purse count as a 'early christmas present'?
I watched her choke out a bouncer with the broken strap from her purse, I think shes the one.
Why did you leave me a note saying 'find the canary'
Drunk in burger king. Having it our way. Free fries. M&m sundaes.
He woke me up for a 10am bootycall. he was already drunk when he got here and when we were fucking, bagpipes started playing amazing grace outside of my window!! I love Boston on st. Patties day!!
The bartender said he wanted to turn you gay, and we got free shots the rest of the night
I'm doing an Uber ride of shame in a red, white and blue bikini top and America shorts. Good for me.
I think we can say happy hour is successful when you have frosting and southern comfort in your hair.
I have an empty apartment, Chinese food, and fresh batteries in my vibrator. There's nothing on this earth that could lure me out tonight.
You told everyone to shut up then told the officer that you are 21 when you drink.
Apparently I called down to the hotel front desk and begged them to bring us pizza. They brought us tea.
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