This dress was meant to end up on your floor
She was sleeping without a shirt so I thought I wouldI sneaked a peek at her nipples..than I realized they were just warts...on her back.
Yes i believe i did use that word. It culminated in a man wearing a corset thigh highs and stripper shoes. All mine btw.
She just hopped out of the car at a red light to pet the baby Jesus in the nativity scene.
Not worth it.
We didn't talk. I watched you drop an egg on the floor. And watched you praise your haunted broom.
This should be a warning to men everywhere: do not send pictures of your erect penis to women you hardly know - they will add cats and send them to all of their friends.
Just caught myself checking an online porn site while in a strip club. Might have a problem.
I'm on the porch day drinking and the neighbor is in his yard screaming about his amazing sandwiches, maybe we should move.
So I sent him a snap of me half naked holding a pie last night.
well I've taken an Uber to my weed dealers twice in the past 2 weeks so it's going well since I sold my car
I started the day with dreams of getting laid and ended it with the reality of eating Taco Bell in my bed with my dog.
I just dominated some guy while wearing your moms thong
How do u explain to your grandma that your relationship status is hooking up with randoms at a bar
I miss your drunken presence, and strong odor of hard liquor and potent weed.
He broke through his window then signed his name on the biggest peice of glass from it. I think they framed it and named it 'best party ever'
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