She had to get her inhaler in the middle of fucking...but she kept it in.
I dont know whats worse: her telling me she was so drunk i was "almost sexy," the fact that even when theyre shitfaced, im just "almost sexy" to girls, or the fact that i wasnt that offended by it.
Hairspray is covering 85% of my body. Help.
Wait until you see the roof.
Let's go get our ovaries removed together. It'll be like bonding by getting mani/pedis, but with more vicodin and less unwanted pregnancies.
Im surprised putting the throwing knife "dartboard" next to the door didnt end up worse
on a brighter note, the cop thought i could kick adams ass if it came down to that and said he had $20 on me if it ever happens
Lets play hurricane shelter. And the shelter is my bed, and we forgot our clothes.
if Anne Taylor knew what she did in her clothes, she'd be banned from the store.
oh come on, it's the perfect length summer dress to blow a stranger in the bathroom in
How bad is it I'm looking at his cock while waiting to see my therapist?
I'm still getting random messages from guys about my Halloween outfit. Electrical tape is coming back next year
Why is there a traffic cone in the shower? And did you wash it with my body wash? It smells nice.
Sent him a nude and I forgot to crop out the Jesus picture in the background. The Catholic guilt is too real.
Apparently mid making out I got up and said "I need to figure out my life" went in the bathroom and threw up for two hours.
I want to wait until after I get laid before I ask him his political affiliation. Just in case. I'm so desperate I would bang a Republican
I just found peanut butter between my boobs. This was for you.
Randomize
