I'm pants shitting drunk right now
you convinced the bartender to un-cut you off by letting him touch your boobs whenever you ordered a drink.
Soup is not an acceptable meal before doing that many Jager bombs
Everytime I walk into a bathroom at school that I've taken a pregnancy test in I get a little bit nostalgic....
was just hit on by a homeless lesbian. forever alone.
Hey for future reference vodka can not be substituted for water when shaving your legs
We were gonna play Truth or Dare but like 10 minutes in we decided to get naked and play Dare or Get the fuck out.
The really sad thing is that I actually practiced crawling in my room yesterday in preparation for today
She told me she's going to buy a projector so she can watch porn on her ceiling...I'm telling you man this chick is going places
You tried to initiate "Occupy McDonald's" when the cashier didn't give you enough ketchup.
There is a 5-year old here fighting 'drunk monkeys'. He tried to knock a drink out of my hand with a plastic light saber...
nana can keg stand better than me. should i be proud?
I need a genital shamwow being this wet.
Spent the majority of my senior year drunk. Graduate of 2011, I think 2011. Probably.
I lick assholes and I wouldn't eat mdma
Randomize
