Thanks for last night it was amazing as always
What are you talking about
You've got to be kidding me
I need to stop coming to work sober
I've created a drink called, "watching the sound of music with grandma." its straight vodka
You made everyone who was on the patio sit on the floor and join your "ship" because you were the Captain. It was cool though. You let me be your 1st Mate.
I'm really not interested in hearing from him. Unless there is casual sex involved
His IQ level must rival that of a comatosed aardvark.
Completely smashed, masturbating to the view of the ocean. Family vacations are more tolerable than I thought
She is watching her grandpa for the day and the dude just whipped it out and started jerking off while watching the View.
I Can't even believe I threw all my pizza rolls at her, I mean not only did i ruin a good meal but now I dont have anymore
Uh yeah can we get an age of consent check on Dave's penis?
Age of consent, Dave's penis. Thank you...
If making out with three guys at once at a Kesha concert while simultaneously smearing glitter all over yourself doesn't convince her you're gay, nothing will
I just finished a four mile round trip walk to CVS to buy shaving cream and lube. You're welcome.
I'm literally beginning to think that my sex dreams are prophesies
My professor just asked for my number. Not fucking her till after finals though I learned my lesson last time.
Honestly, this social distancing bullshit is giving me a good excuse for drinking alone.
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