I just shaved my legs while pooping. classy or trashy?
talent.
your dick doesn't do me any good in arizona
On my way, I hope you have alcohol for me to blame stuff on...
I can mark tailgating, going to the game and getting road head off my to do list today
i would think by now you'd realize that my penis does whatever the fuck it wants and i have no control over the situation
It just feels wrong masturbating with my neighbor's cat in my apartment
Got home. Hugged Mom. The look on her face indicated she noticed nipple rings.
He'll choke me during sex but he won't eat a strip of bacon. Vegetarians are weird.
You had your shirt off checking IDs at the door and you don't even work there
I decided to let him keep the rest of my good weed as an "I'm sorry for being a drunk ass ho" consolation prize.
Is it wrong that I want to do a nude photo shoot with nothing but a light saber?
We were sitting outside of the building and he literally just walked up with no pants on. This is the best college ever
You stopped making out with some rando guy to tell him you weren't sure about your sexuality then proceeded to follow me down the street to make out with me
I don't like pregnant me. I eat very large burritos, I don't like having sex and I can't even finish a Blue Moon.
Apparently I’m a terrible influence when alcohol is involved
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