Just had to reach into my sister's bag and shut off her vibrator so my parents wouldn't hear it. I am the world's greatest brother.
I cant believe that bitch gave me herpes. she said those bumps were just a part of the natural landscape
wait, did she really refer to her vagina as a landscape?
why are you more concerned about her word choice than the fact that I HAVE FUCKING HERPES
I feel kinda awkward using the Sesame Street themed Google to search for hot young pussy...
he has 3 profile pictures up and all of them are him riding jet skis
there was a 40 knocked over. chips and salsa all over the floor. and she was in her thong doing boot camp on demand in the middle of the room..
I realize now that I left my pants on that table in the downstairs bathroom at you house on Tuesday....
Trying to find a reliable dealer on Rockfordmugshots.com. Guy arrested for 15 grams of coke could be him !
You realize those people have been ARRESTED recently. right.
I love THIS fish, the rest of the ocean can go fuck itself. I am ahab and he is my whale
I just had the best counseling appointment lets fucking rage
The German just referred to my vagina as the Great Barrier Reef and that he was going to go diving in it.
I texted him a series of texts in which the first letters of each text spelled out "WE SHOULD HAVE SEX". If that's not dedication to the dick, I don't know what is
I'm covered in jizz and the toll booth lady knew it
Dude there's ten thousand dollars worth of damage to the kids house and three thousand in stolen property and his dog is missing he is pissed
If I give him back his dog do you think he'll invite me to the next party
The guy in the cage next to me is having phone sex. His girlfriend is in College Library. Why is my life ridiculous.
I had a dream that I was smoking rasberries out of a bong. THEY WEREN'T EVEN DRIED...
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