Fine. I'll sleep in my office
Ok I love you more. To infumty and beyong.
I hate seeing commercials about babies when i'm high
Yeah, I don't like babies at all
I gave him a handjob while watching the presidential address. Needless to say, it was weird.
I'm going to start giving girls scratch off lottery tickets when they leave my place in the am. That way they have a chance of not regretting the night before
You are mentally unprepared to be exposed to my degree of perversion.
You've been drinking wine and eating bacon all afternoon. HOW IS THAT DOING GOOD?!?!
My only regret is that I have but one penis to give to your vagina.
I need to find out this kids work schedule. I need mustache rides on my lunchbreaks.
oh and apparently my boobs are named "have no fear" and "plenty o'beer"
Why can I remember how tall Nicki Minaj is from looking up her height once months ago, yet after weeks into the semester I can't even remember where any my classrooms are located
Importance
i just had to ask the gas station attendant what state i was in... winning at life.
im in missouri by the way.
He was 6'8" - I shit you not! He sat up in my bed and the ceiling fan got him right in the forehead.
your fucking longboard fell on me while we were having sex you fucking hipster
I've been eaten out in coupes, sedans, trucks, suv's, you name it. If I can do it in a smart car, you can do it in a vw beetle.
I knew you were the expert on doing it in public. You need to get paid for your advise
Randomize
