is your mom at the bar?
sorry about last night, sometimes people just get drunk and have sex witht heir friends
I know, I was there.
remember that night we drank a bottle of vodka and went to mcdonalds and ordered everything on the dollar menu, twice?
we can't do that now- first b/c they got rid of that menu and 2 b/c we are broke now. damn this recession.
that would be two times in a week with two different guys.
they have the same name so it only counts as one guy right?
So the dentist told me I couldn't suck on anything. She emphasized ANYthing.
You should seriously consider super glueing your knees together
The power of my vagina can withstand any attempt of celibacy
Dude it was a mini horse. It obviously only eats mini things.
I'll still trying to understand the context of your "punch her with my cock" comment.
How do people deal with hangovers? I literally want to eat my own face.
She said she'll drive over, bang, and then head home. It's like ordering a pizza.
I'm not judging you. Just know that you could be Queen of The World. Instead you're 5:28 p.m ponging. I hope you're at least winning
Next Halloween I want us to dress up as jockeys, get drunk, and ride a carousel all night until we throw up or declare a winner
If I'm not drunk and wearing a penguin hat by the time we are done opening Christmas presents then coming home for Christmas was a complete failure
I keep finding Kraft singles in his pockets. Honestly, this is the weirdest family I've ever worked for.
We should get drunk in walmart
when?
20 minutes ago
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