Any of you guys fuck a 16 year old again? Because our front yard got fucked over high school style.
i bet jesus would rush if he went to usc
Defrosting my mini wheats in the microwave was a bad choice
I'm destined to be knocked up by a sailor
He said he's gonna start calling me "Benny" because we're "friends with bennyfits"
ironically, his detergent was also "small and mighty"
It was so delicious I was introducing it to people. Guy from my psych class was like "This is my girlfriend, Erica," and I was like, "This is my milkshake, Oreo."
she kept calling me pablo. i just went with it.
Found a Safeway Deli Sandwich in the shower this morning... Perhaps the 9th beer was unnecessary.
He threw up the X he took like 30min before then when we thought his antics were over... BOOM! He tried to pee out a light he was holding.
i just wrote an ode to an enchilada dorito. i'll need that pregnancy test now please.
Some guy was coming onto me last night and in the middle of it all he said: 'It literally says this on my birth certificate: Francis Coburt: The Guy Who Can Pull Two Beers Outta His Pants Like Magic.'
I woke up in a stranger's bed wearing nothing but santa socks.
She shows up drunk at 3am for sex and then punches me straight in the eye in the middle of it because "you're too nice."
I think I almost ran over some kid I went to high school with. Guilt factor: moderate to low.
Randomize
