I just saw a guy give a mop to his fat wife and say "Look, an exercise stick!"
Why do my orgasm prompt her to begin using babytalk EVERYTIME?!
I will fuck a handful of worms if you hold them
that's not even the weird part though. he already knew where the bathroom was, he might have been here before..
Can we put your name for the shipping address for penis ice luge?
Went to the strip club with my aunt. Do you know how hard it is to be a pervert in front of your female family members?
I'm like a magical alcohol dispenser. I pulled this kahlua out of my vagina.
I didn't get a chance to take any pics but the mental snapshot of her boyfriend calling her directly after we finished was a really special moment I wish I could properly share with you.
Also this freshmen guy is talking about his gag reflex and no one is making blowjob jokes. I have no faith in the next generation.
Yea not today, I ending up taking a shit behind a tree last night.
I will forever remember this as The Great Jalepeno Cock Burn of 2014.
He referred to our sex as "an Olympic event." My tits are bruised.
I'm bleeding and intoxicated as I'm walking to my final right now. Wish me luck
at this point I think you're judging my taste in men
I swear I'm not
It's okay, I'm judging my taste in men
a day off where I don’t get laid would be worthless
Randomize
