i just met rob pattinson in italy. he's so stupid, i feel like i would have to say "your penis goes here!"
to do: lose virginity to hamster dance
I'm so hungover even the car commercials make me nauseas
you made pancakes with beer, you said they were good. then you threw up 15 minutes later
Just set all my clocks a minute apart. Now my 4:20 is longer by sixfold
he told me he saved a turtle in the middle of the road.. i told him id be over in ten minutes...i mean he deserves a bj after that.
i have one question about last night
if this is about your fridge being filled with hotdogs, sour cream, and PB&J open-faced sandwiches, i can explain
Bad news is I found gravy in my nightstand again.
Showering in my swimsuit in hopes of getting the beer smell out.
hot boxing the bathroom at chili's. where the fuck are you, it's too big of a box for just one person.
My teacher just let our class out 30 minutes early, its a 50 minute class. He said the only thing we had to do was get fucked up tonight and have stories about it on Monday.
It was like a Thanksgiving meal, which you spend 8 hours cooking, and the family wolfs down in 20 minutes. All that flirting and build-up for like 90 seconds of pumping and he was gone in a flash, never to be heard from again.
I swear man, you fly across the country to give a boy your virginity and he suddenly thinks you like him
Pretty sure at some point last night i said to myself "it'll be fun to completely lose my mind for a night"
She flirted with a pilot and a frat boy at the airport in Vegas and told our bartender his mask matched her panties so yeah I’d say she’s rebounding from the divorce
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