I just had a girl text me from knoxville "come see me. we'll go for drinks and I can make you breakfast"
how do you like your eggs?
over tits
For some reason, Oliver from Hannah Montana reminds me of pudding.
That's cute.
so I smoked with the leasing agent of the apartment complex. Of corse I am going to take this one
he's making romantic advances towards me. and he has a pet snake. 2nd part not relevant, but interesting.
I fucked the bump it out of her hair. just had to let everyone know.
he mailed me a thank you note for the blowjob.
Here. I am here. I do not know where here is but it includes condom balloons, a keg castle, and a shaved goat. Do not find me...I am in post blackout heaven.
I hope he doesn't find the chex mix when he takes my shirt off.
I don't remember anything other than how good it felt when I peed my pants.
I saw he had me in his phone as "the fat twin"
I don't feel bad about fucking old guys. That's what I want. It's what I likeeeeee.
I'm at the bar, forgot my pants. Everyone's over reacting
my only goal for the semester is never go to my wednesday class sober
This is like a walk of shame down memory lane.
that blonde bartender and I racked up an impressive mini bar bill last night
Mini bar? Did you get a hotel room?
Yeah, the last thing I need right now is a chick with an insane clown posse tattoo knowing where I live
That’s legit
Randomize
