he was wearing a tuxedo, i was naked...it's a long story.
You only ask me to come over when your gf is gone, and thats usually at midnight to cook chicken salad and watch you pass out
He did a 4 wheel burnout and yelled at the cops "Sorry! It's for a school project!". HOW does he think of this shit?
My liver is begging me not to go, but sadly enough for him my feet and hands control me getting there.
you're a fucking everclear ninja. the whole goddamn formal blacked out. you're the worst dj ever
but I'm the best friend ever. I got you laid
That is true. Vodka is like a dog. Always loyal, warm, and there for you when you need it
Fried chicken is a must. Do strippers eat fried chicken or should I plan on something else?
Classic dick move. Breaking up your buddies 3-some by coming into his room and doing the Harlem Shake.
Friend as in 'I used to have sex with her' or friend as in 'I still want to have sex with her'?
If we tried baptizing you I feel the water would start boiling around you.
I just shaved my "bikini area" into a fucking pizza slice
Let's stay in this weekend and play drinking games to the Winter Olympics.
As long as we can drink anytime we see a stray dog, mafia looking Russian or double toilet.
Some rando guy literally just put my shoes on and tied them for me because I'm drunk... Is this what it feels like to be a princess?
he fell asleep naked and all I'm doing is staring at his weird balls
ugffhh I have work in 4 hours and have recieved zero sleep, seeing that I'm trapped in the arms of a snoring bear man. can't. breathe. lost in the forestry of his chest hair.
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