That was a long time ago. She needed the money.
9 am. shotgunning while conditioning my hair. i love college football season.
I wake up every morning and wish that I didn't have to wear a bra
He just washed his hands with scrubbing bubbles yelling "They work hard so I don't have to!"
I just stepped on my own foot and apologized to my shoe... THAT high.
I'm more picky about my flip flops than the guys I sleep with
I'm considering telling her about my dream where I made a sex tape with her boyfriend. you know to test our friendship
Strip beer pong in the front yard? Of course the cops showed up
Either I'm tripping balls or my dog has super powers.
I'm auditing financial statements and ur growing weed this is bullshit how did this happen to me
Thanks to you and Ketel One I now have a court summons with the actual word "frolicking" on it.
I was on all fours trying to empty the bowl we smoked into the sewer when your neighbor came out, but besides that it went smoothly
Will you skip merrily into hell with me?
When we got into his bed, his damn parrot started making sex noises in the other room
so i was about to call you for your birthday but then i started making out with this guy... and i feel bad but i felt like you'd understand
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