So I went home with some chick last night... I'm not sue what's worse: not getting a nut at 5am, the condom breaking and not being replaced, feeling poo when I put my finger in her but, sleeping on a heroin mattress in her living room, her swine flu coughing fit at 7am or realizing she peed the matt at 10am. Actually it was probably the fact that she continuously told me she was the classiest girl in boulder.
can you wear a superman outfit if we ever have sex?
I'm playing a drinking game with nyc prep. This will not end well for meeee
Everytime the gay dude pretends he's not gay, drink a cosmo. Everytime the crosseyed girl is crosseyed, kill her
he said i was chugging vodka in the parking lot, gave my # to a married man, started a food fight, and passed out at the bar. how could he NOT consider that a good first date???
i got a mint flavored condom from wellness day...im kind of tempted to taste it
dude i woke up in a pile of chocolate chips. this has to stop happening
Dude, just discovered frito and mozzarella nachos. Don't say I never contributed anything to this world.
I'm buying drugs in the library...And it's not even finals time. What has my life become?
im sorry but you know it was a good night when you got tasered on the ass and didnt even feel it
whoever put homecoming and halloween on the same weekend owes me a new liver and a get out of jail free card.
Because selling drugs to kids never goes out of business. We get older, they stay the same stupid.
He looks like he'd be great Lego character.
Getting robbed by hookers is def a right of passage in a mans life
Do you ever get high and look at your cat and feel like you know them on an intellectual level?
Last night I had a dream that I changed my last name to Vodka. what does that say about my life?
Randomize
