Today's life lesson: fat girls should not wear tight miniskirts and vinyl leggings. This Forever 21 salesgirl is a hot mess.
so i was trying to be sexy and unzip his pants with my teeth. i got my lip caught in the zipper and it bled for a good 15 min, totally a mood killer.
I was so high I thought there were pigeons in my room. Long story short there are now donut crumbs all around my bedroom.
Yes I was being legit. That's the only plant I want in my house. A growing penis.
Bro she gave me the stare. It's like she boned me with her eyes. I'm going in.
I'm sure me singing - rather loudly - "fuck me in the back seat" last night didn't help either.
The air was thick with penises
That commercial was clearly aspirational. I think Arbor Mist would pair nicely with Oscar Meyer
It's like past high you was looking out for future high you by rolling that joint and leaving it in your coat pocket. What a Halloween miracle
I feel like my nipples were chewed on by alligators.
Lesbians had sex in my bed last night. It's a thing of pride
Lindsey Lohan and I have slept with the same amount of people. The only thing she's now beating me on is rehab trips and teen choice awards, so really I'm the winner.
So, were you planning on telling me you left your panties in my glovebox??
My professor is wearing skinny jeans, orange socks and just said penetration. I don't know what to think
Who else has a jello penis in their fridge?!
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