Can you really blame Steve Phillips? He went to Michigan. Plowing fat girls is a 100-level course there.
I'm gonna play a drinking game called "Sarah takes the train"
gay flight attendant. racoons. kegels. bartender with missing teeth. too many birthdays. fucckk.
As usual, I had to fight him for his car keys. Though this time he made it to the valet garage. All the Hispanic attendants gathered around and watched. Felt like I was in a cock fight.
The drunk fake out is her specialty. She'll agree to come with us and two seconds later we check to make sure she's still there and we see her booking it down the hall in the opposite direction.
I'm so high that I'm intently watching my neighbor move his car back and forth in order to put his motorcycle in the garage, and getting irritated that it seems so complicated.
My condoms might be a little big for you but hey, a big sweater is better than no sweater at all when it's cold right?
Ok so last thing I remember was hugging a cop while vomiting
body shots are frowned upon at family weddings. i'll keep that in mind next time. maybe.
I just chugged whiskey at 7 AM because going to breakfasts at Brendas doesnt seem right if Im not real drunk. I feel like when Brenda takes my order she can tell Im drunk and will take care of me.
She's lucky her pussy is worth listening to her ramble about bedroom furniture for 30 minutes
But I've also made plans to crash a black tie event wearing a storm trooper helmet. I think I've found the love of my life..
your penis is a great and majestic leader among the penises.
YAY! I just removed my own stitches, and I'm only bleeding from one spot! on a related note, do you think a dishwasher will sterilize forceps and trauma shears?
And remember people can't hear you kick ass in space
Randomize
