WTF. you left me with no condoms and you ate all my mac and cheese. scumbag.
Girls gone wild is like the hills, except sexy and it doesnt suck
do you know what's more awkward than a positive pregnancy in a public bathroom?
not a thing
walking in on a stranger's positive pregnancy test in a public bathroom
So I totally just remembered that you tried to smoke a hornet out of it's nest.
We made a trail of cheez balls so we knew how to get back to te apartment.
Maybe he meant to say like I love fucking you? But just forgot the fucking part.. That's what I'm telling myself.
I really want to text him and congratulate him on having a bigger penis than the guy I dumped him for, but I thought that might be awkward...
WAIT DID YOU MAIL ME A KITTEN
He made me put my cow print vest and my cowboy hat from my ' sheriff woody' costume and said I'll show you a woody. What I charmer huh!? I love make up sex
Currently rolling a blunt in the bathroom of Planned Parenthood
ugh i want to get waxed but I’m afraid. my vagina has had enough trauma this week, i don’t know if I can put her thru any more.
Its one thing to reject me, but to reject me AND my hottest friend AT THE SAME TIME!?!?
no its a draw, weve been through this, when were keeping score on getting laid i get a plus 1 handicap each week because of your British accent! its only fair!
I just realized I'm not wearing clothes. I think my pants may be in the kitchen but I have no idea where my shirt is. I'm kinda worried.
Right now I'm laying face down on my carpet in my living room in the darkness sending work emails from my phone.
It's a glamorous life.
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