there should be a rule- if you jizz on it, you wash it
I have teeth marks. Like distinct upper and lower jaw.
Yeah me too. My shoulder looks rabid.
When I opened my laptop there was a half eaten little debbie oatmeal cream pie inside.
For the record we tried to find 4th of july porn. Did not turn out well.
You put your name in his phone but not your number then screamed "Open the door!" and jumped out of the car
No cash. I had to buy four bowls of soup to meet the credit card limit. I'm not even upset. SO MUCH SOUP.
Watching my ex make out with another girl is weird.
But she's wearing a jumpsuit so I feel better.
Thank you for letting me get drunk enough to forget he was there tonight, but not drunk enough to make a complete fool of myself.
Then James put his arms through the window and grabbed him, like he was Robocop. A nerdy, portly Robocop.
Who is this?
I woke up covered in thousand island dressing. I need answers.
sorry I called you to cry about the state of the neopets economy
He got me off while watching hockey. He's a keeper.
We just had sex in the shed while having a conversation about cheeseburgers...so that's how my day is going
It's almost sad. It's like the Harambe of vagina stories really.
There is a moment when you wake up with a butt plug in when you question your choices in life.
There is also a moment when you wake up in a kiddie pool of jello cubes where you question what the fuck you did last night. Are you still in the attic or did you go home.
Randomize
