i told him i was on my period. he said, and i quote "can we not just lay down some newspapers or something?"
drinking steel reserve before noon and watching the price is right... 211... bet i pass out before then.
ew. I made a sandwich, and the cheese reminded me of her vagina
I think her nose is broken... but I think she's just drunk enough to fall for the whole "sex releases endorphins, so it'll feel better" line.
That was the scariest sex i've ever heard....
It was the best sex i've ever had.
i've learned that i'm good at stealing things. like live cats.
She's all pretty and bubbly and nice and I'm sitting here stoned looking like Lucifer.
You were telling me last night 101 proof was nothing and you needed 400 proof or better yet military or marine proof, because you're marine grade.... You rascal.
I'm puking in a turkey pan....
Have you ever just sat there and thought about past penises?
I just overheard an "I'm going to get your dick so hard" conversation at Costco.
It got weird the panthers lost and we started throwing wings at one another
Btw. I have a sinus infection from doing cocaine in a portapotty at a Duran Duran concert. So, gimme a couple of days before y'all start the party.
I came home and my mom goes "why are you barefoot and where the hell are your shoes?" and I replied "I have French fries"
I saved a sauce packet from taco bell that said "Free me" to use in my next break up.
I made him fuck me while wearing a Thor helmat from Walmart. Geek sex is the best sex
Randomize
