I would like to feed your fingertips to the wolverines.
those are such fre$h shoes
going to ignore the use of the word "fresh" in a sentence that isnt related to produce and/or other food stuffs and especially the part where you replaced an "s" with a dollar sign
They just yellow carded someone for spilling a drink because it was a party foul. Love germans.
I need to stop drinking. Side note- we have a party bus tonight. So the drinking will have to end after that
theres a turtle on the table. helping me eat my ramon noodles.
What do I wear to meet his family/put his dog to sleep? Is there even an appropriate outfit for this occasion?
I took 20 bucks from you because when I woke up I saw more of you than I ever wanted to see bro.
Totally acceptable.
Ok. I am hammered I will admit it but my legacy needs to live and your the only woman that could spawn satan. We need to talk.
styled my pubes into a mustache as a surprise. Thought you should know
He just got dropped off drinking a flask, sitting on the handlebars of a chinese delivery man's bike
Tonight's gonna be epic. Did he bring my noodles?
Congratulations, I drank so much for your birthday that I'm shitting blood.
It all went downhill when I figured out I could launch myself into people with my crutches
Clothes make me feel like a responsible adult and that's just not something I'm ready to handle.
my mom walked in on me eating her out, and i can never kiss my mother again.
so i may or may not have just had sex on the stage of the lecture hall....
Randomize
