Ian has mac and cheese all in his bed/on the wall. Either you did it or he fell asleep with a bowl in his hand and spasmed in his sleep.
Cooked or uncooked?
How are you feeling today?
i could've thrown up on command at any point today...
we got hammered off table wine and i ended up biting my acrylic nail off so i could finger his butt.. ill never look at valentines day the same
I got lit on fire and andy went to jail last night. Totally unrelated incidents though.
Remember the girl passed out in front of my fireplace?
and everything will be beautiful and nothing will hurt and we will eat nachos
Are they engaged or just dating? Girlfriends come and go but the memory of sex at the pool last forever.
I wish they'd wear their tampons on the outside. At least gimme some warning
She suggested that I come visit her in Europe and hook up with the heteroflexible Korean who sits next to her in class. Polylove is the best love.
I feel that shower jager is exactly what this man needs after last night.
You're a disgrace to gay men everywhere.
I was busy. But now I'm about to consume alcohol and chicken. We shall see where this takes us. Maybe to the moon, maybe to the floor. I have no idea.
Rule number one to being a good adult: don't use your vagina as an icebreaker. Just some wisdom I thought I'd pass down from experience.
I'm hiding in the bathroom at the library but there are children here I just want to drunk cry in peace
He held my hair while I gave him a blow job. Now that's teamwork.
if he becomes president of the united states, I will tell EVERYONE that i took his virginity.
Randomize
