dude...i just woke up in ****'s bed!
doesn't he have a girlfriend???
yeah...who do you think woke us up...
I am not a stalker...i just bring a whole new meaning to the word love
We thought you were crowd-surfing until we realized it was the bouncers throwing you out
I'm drinking and throwing an enormous tennis ball at children. I couldn't be happier.
They don't allow McDonald's in the ER. Go figure
We knew it was a good time to leave when you spilt the salsa on the ground and were trying to put it back in the jar with your hands
Can you explain the plethora of sunflower seeds in the dryer?
rigging a system to keep my jello shots cold in class. important election day work.
He never answered about passing his structures test no matter how I asked him. He did send a text saying that he would be "pouring alcohol into his head and balls" so I'm guessing he has to retake the whole class.
Definitely but only if you hit on the 16 year old in the karate class as part of your waffle and gin fueled sexually deprived rage.
Dude come to her party. Someone just took a body shot of rubbing alcohol
Can someone please remind me later tonight that there's a taco in my purse. I may get drunk and forget I put it there
Tip: never mention Guy Fieri during sex
pls come over. need ride to hospital once taquitos are ready
I slapped a guy during sex last night because he moaned the wrong name. Then I remembered I gave him a fake name. Sorry bro.
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