Today I realized that I've had whole drunk relationships with people. And sober me has and wants no part in it.
I was about to go down on her and her dong flopped out and hit me in the chin. This may have a Nam like post-traumatic-stress-disorder effect on me.
tonight i'm making a christmas tree shaped shot pyramid
I just saw the preacher from the church I grew up in while I was buying condoms at the drugstore... he remembered me.
she added emergen-c to the bong-water bro, brilliant.
She came over and gave me a handy and then just lingered for a day and a half. Worst weekend ever.
Believe it or not, that's part of the whole 'best friend' thing. It's not just yelling at me for making you leave the club early or taking the couch bc I'm doing sex while you're doing bjs.
You know it's a good Halloween party when a guy wearing a light-up sombrero offers you blow.
Wait do you remember that guy last night asking to use my nose ring to open his beer.......
She pretty much spent NYE measuring dicks, trying to decide which one to take home.
Oh great. I guess I'm second on that list now that we've confirmed she's not a lesbian AND that was her sister.
Just scratched my head and I basically rained glitter.
So who left their underwear on a lamppost in my aunt's backyard
Jungle juice breakfast? No? Ok.
My new plan is to whip out my titties when they arrive. Maybe they won’t notice that I broke the couch fucking my boss...
Randomize