both roomates are passed out on the floor. I feel like I'm missing out on crucial bonding time by sleeping in my bed.
So High I just made Cadbury Coffee. I don't know what it is yet, but it involves Cadbury Eggs and coffee.
I need to start giving them away because owning 20 dildos is never going to get me a boyfriend.
I'm wearing boardshorts as underwear to work. This is bachelorhood
no drinking for a week
if by week you mean tonight and by no you means yes
So mom called me from the hospital laughing her ass off. Apparently my sister is allergic to cocaine...
Thanks for letting me use your ID, there's $120 along with your ID in the mail to cover the Urinating in public fine I got last night....sorry
At what point do you think my baptist preacher of a father will clue in that my brother "bringing a foreign exchange student" for thanksgiving means "bringing his european boyfriend and they'll probably fuck every night" for thanksgiving?
there was 'chicken suit porn' in my search history.......also 'scuba diving porn'
Hungover, threw up in a cosmetic case in my car this morning. This is real life.
I'm dressed as a caveman and drunk so that's not really an option
No fair. I need a fuck buddy to entertain me till the power comes back on
I'm glad you threw up in my bed because now we talk.
There was puke outside of my classroom and lecture was half empty. Damn thirsty thursday is intense
Am I the only person in the world that does not give a shit about the avengers?
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