I would wrestle an alligator for a bj right now
at the gym hungover with vodka in a water bottle. don't say i'm not fulfilling my resolutions
You decided to make a porno with gummy bears and things went downhill from there.
Ur keys r in ur purse. ur purse is on the couch. ur cigs r on ur front seat. u drank all ur wine. mollie took ur jkt bc u cockblocked her. and in case anyone asks, the saints won 31-17.
I had to throw up. it was the only way to avoid kissing her after she swallowed..
He sent a pic, I sent one back. Then nothing. It's like we sext-messaged goodbye and ended the relationship.
Hes stumbling drunkenly around the streets of New York with a balloon vagina on his head. I'd say hes having a good night.
I think my hand is broken. But his nose definitely is
Please. That's just a patriotism boner. I watched Michael phelps win another medal and had to change my underwear.
bro your seconds weren't very sloppy last night, is everything ok?
Got home and told boyfriend what happened. He was like "you made out with a guy you call Balls Deep?" and hi-fived me.
My mom found my empty case that I hid in my room and just said "now why don't you be a responsible underaged drinker and throw it in the recycling" and walked away. I'm in shock.
If sex isn’t mentioned at least three times at the dinner table, I’m not interested...
She told me I’m a “stunt cock.” I’m okay with that
I have bruises everywhere an I broke the lamp. So ya I'd considerate rough sex.
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