Words i added to my t9 today: gnomes, facebook, and chlamydia.
Apparently I ran up to the group of cookie-cutter blonde chicks and screamed "Delta Gamma Nuuuuuuu!" really excitedly and tried to hug them and share fake sorority stories with them.
He has 250 profile pictures. Of course he was a douchebag
Im going to bed. I'm seeing 7 of everything and my world smells like gravy
I also witnessed that same parrot perched on the head of a man grinding with a girl.
Interesting. As a girl I don't know how okay I would be with that.
She seemed pretty into it.
I have a vague memory of you tryin to ride a unicycle through jimmy johns
But if you were going to pour a liquid on your naked body in fall its definitely pumpkin inspired something.
He stopped responding after the animal pictures... I do this EVERY TIME.
You kept running up to married couples, taking their pictures and begging for them not to get divorced
2 things: 1) can you get hep from toilet water? And 2) do you know where we can get a new skillet for cheap?
Please tell me those aren't related.
I made rice.
So while you were living in this woman's apartment, you acquired a room mate, fucked her daughter, and killed her bunny. Worst sitter ever
He was making a joke about signing my name on this piece of paper. He has a whole bucket filled with names on pieces of paper. I think thats how he keeps count.
I used an explanation of Walking Marriages in the Mosuo Culture to successfully negotiate an open relationship. That Anthropology degree is finally starting to pay off.
You've changed since you got that strap on
My ex-wife, who I haven't heard from since the divorce, just Amazoned me cherry flavored massage oil and a rainbow caps with the message "Happy Pride". What's the polite response?
Randomize
