you just broke rule number 1. If you can't lift her up don't date her
So bad news they put a private property sign on the tiger.
Until they install cameras or armed security i'll ride the fuck out of that jungle cat.
I just drank til 6am then boned a 32 yr old that looks exactly like ET. Oh god.
Just found a note from Saturday that says "rainy soft hair".... Any ideas?
Also I legit had a girl at my bar crying tonight saying to her friend "why did he have to take his top off ?"
I can feel the judgmental stares of Christians from around the world right now.
PLAN B IS EXPENSIVE ON A $50 A WEEK BUDGET.
You just can't finish a sentence that starts with "I may have drunk peed in the bed" with "do you mind if I skip work and sleep here?" Anyways, yeah still drunk at work.
I'm on the toilet with no toilet paper. When are you coming over? I'm contemplating on just staying here until you arrive.
My tub is filled with twinkies which would be awesome if they were still wrapped and not floating in a mixture of bath water and what appears to be vomit.
He sends me pictures of his dogs and I send him my tits, it's a win win situation
We are all done wearing pants today
Bring me your tired, your weary, your buffalo chicken dip
I can't believe it is only 1:30...I may have to stab myself with scissors for an excuse to go home...
How are they?
Amazing! These new boobs are going to break blouse buttons and wedding vows!
Randomize