1:57 a.m. Where did you go???
1:58 a.m. What are you doing? I want to go home with you, why aren't you responding?
2:11 a.m. Heading back to your place now, will you let me in?
Do u have any bacon or vodka by chance
no ping pong balls so we're playing beer pong with an ornament. you can't tell me that's not festive.
In case you come back to the room and i'm not here, yes there's a cup filled with gravy in the microwave. Just take it out if you need to heat something.
Did we fight the bathroom girl ? She just wanted to give us lotion and condoms.
He passed out again after sex. I've hidden all his clothes. There's no way he is sneaking out in the morning this time!
I couldn't sleep so I took 4 shots of vodka and promptly threw up in the sink. Happy Thursday
hey dude, just got with the girl in H4. so mark H off the apartment list
haha we are half through our lease and already checked off 17 letters
No we don't really celebrate valentines day, we just use it as an excuse to drink 3 bottles of red wine and fuck for a few hours.
I have a gay crossdressing neighbor that's dresses up as a slutty pirate. 6 beers from now I would have hit on him. I hate halloween.
I partied with 2 slutty ninja turtles from Sweden last night, I Love Halloween.
i definitely signed you up to receive text message notifications from a jukebox last night. Not even sorry.
We need to get Harry and Lloyd's tuxedos from Dumb and Dumber. I feel like this is a vital thing that is missing from our lives.
Sooooooo, maybe just fucked on a motorcycle.
I've had pants off for 3 hours now. America.
In other news, my ex fuck buddy is a surprisingly good wingman.
Randomize
