Anal astronaut?
Wow word travels fast.
do you actually have a paper bowl full of broken glass and ecstasy or was that just a dream?
my mom was in labor with me for 32 hours, it's only fair to start drinking now.
I'm just gonna ignore the fact that I have no pants on and find a way home. A good one-nighter never goes back for his pants.
I have officially tracked lube all over our house on the bottom of my socks without knowing it. Don't slip when you come in
Dude, I found out having naked people in your car is a felony.. Now were all fucked.
Delivery driver perk #327: I just paid for part of the security deposit on my new place in pizza. This oughta be a fun renting experience.
I just want my birth control to stop making me feel like I'm watching baby seals get clubbed to death any time anything even remotely unpleasant happens lol
Stripper just cleaned my glasses with her nipple...
I tried to have a quickie with him at the company happy hour. I think I need to quit my job.
We share an apartment, weed and genitals. It's called being practical not in love.
There was pot, but there are no Doritos, no Funyons, no Oreos.
Send help.
Wanna bang and Pregame work? I know you're the manager just promise to not fire me
He ate me out while I stood on his bed drinking a Rainier.
Legit just heard the bartender tell some Dude "Penis is not an accepted currency in this establishment" and Dude responded "You take Vagina then?"
Randomize
