is it bad that I only want to go to my boyfriends house bc I want to see his roomate walk around with his shirt off?
You know its bad when convincing your mother you were masturbating is the better alternative
Ia nefed hefelkp i am a taxi
You owe me $8 for the carwash I needed after you threw the salmon on my windshield.
he's measuring my pool to see how much jello powder he needs. He got paid today.
My Saturday dick is so much more impressive than my Tuesday dick.
he has this weird thing where he watches me pee
There just aren't enough words in the English language to convey my deep and abiding love of your cock. So I am beefing up on my Portuguese.
My wife ladies and gentlemen! Love ya babe.
"I'm in the bathroom. Only place I can sit and relax without that girl trying to give me a lap dance."
It's not ok to announce to a group of people playing beer pong that a girl put her finger in your butt last night. I now know this
wow thanks for pushing me towards an older man
you gotta start somewhere if you're going to be a trophy wife
Teach me the ways of your demonic sorcery.
This makes me appreciate being single with no prospects.
New low: eating a buttered roll while taking a shit.
This is why we're soulmates.
At one point did I say I have a doctorate in fuck u?
Randomize
