Mango Malibu should win a nobel peace prize
It was confusing and full of hummus
I think in growing up..I've been having a hard time masterbating to fictional characters
you know it's bad when you need sunglasses to open the refrigerator
Is waterboarding an exceptable way of getting sober?
Tonight marks the 1 yr anniversary of me waking up in a bush. is that reason enough to celebrate?
i just keep picturing us drunk surrounded by kittens.
Shirtless guy staggering down the sidewalk, puking into a Prada shopping bag. Ahhh, the walk of shame in Boystown.
tonights mission is daddy issue patrol - we wear old spice and drink gin martinis and see who reacts.
Master Skywalker, there are too many of them. What am I going to do?
Hit on the one in the red shorts. The thirst is strong with this one.
Thanks for fingering me to orgasm during Wu-Tang Clan
i'm eating pizza lunchables and telling my boyfriend he can do better than me because i am a functional adult
Found a pic on my phone from last night. You're drunk. Arm wrestling some guy. In the bar bathroom. At a baby changing station. It's my new wallpaper.
For future reference: bathtub full of cheeseburgers = win.
You sent me a pic of you peeing in two separate directions
and like half a dozen dick pics
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