..now you can marry chaz and be in cher's family..
yeah n i dont have to pretend to be into chicks to do it now...
Dude. Muppets take manhattan on netflix instant. Pass my midterm or relive my childhood? Tough decision.
anyone who has a picture of a ferrari with the caption "mAh DreAM caR" is getting denied as my facebook friend.
Yeah the sex got weird after I said "who's your daddy?" and she actually moaned her dads name.
I was just expressing concern for your pickle consumption.
Weekend plan is a big bag of dope, delivery food, Bollywood marathon and masterbating my dick raw.
The waitress asked if you wanted white or brown, and you said "Isn't it all the same color when it's toasted?". She stared at you for about 20 seconds before she decided that you weren't fucking with her.
Your resume just got faxed, I also modified it a bit and sent it to strip clubs...expect weird phone calls...
That moment when the line ‘If you want a hot body you better work bitch’ in Britney Spears’ new song comes on as you’re using two forks to shovel enchilada into your mouth.
i just smoked marajunia from a shotgun barrell. what have you done today?
We smoked a huge blunt and then laid in bed naked eating strawberry shortcake good humor bars. We have the perfect relationship.
Can we do lunch at 3? I have a blowjob scheduled for 2.
You schedule blowjobs?
Full body rubs, head scratches, foot rubs, massages, a penis that is able to get hard whenever you want it. I mean ive got a lot to offer
Dude you were so wasted you thought a fake electric candle was real and tried to light your cig with it. Multiple times.
Snorted a dorito chip for 1$. Cross that off the bucket list.
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