I need to go to a fraternity... my boobs are telling me to.
dude i woke up to 20 missed calls from you, 3 from a blocked number and had 13 voicemails that all said "send me a picture of your tits."
so im guessing thats a no.....
Apparently everytime he put me down to bed I escaped out the window, I faintly recall climbing into the canoe in the back yard, and air paddling.
Just think, this time last Cinco de Mayo you were holding me up and finding me passed out in the yard of that house.
Walking down the street at 11 pm dressed in bubble wrap. Why is the bar so fucking far away??
We got Pizza Hut & Papa Johns, delivered within seconds of each other, and both delivery people did a shot. I was put on Earth for this moment.
I just had really awesome sex bent over the side of an air hockey table. That is all. Happy thanksgiving.
I also got a mission for you and you're gonna love it. Biggest. Hospital. Party. Ever.
You showed your tits for hundreds of beads but magically became shy when there was food on the line
I didn't want to see any of his nipples and now I've seen all three. Thanks.
I need to sanitize my soul.
I'm on my third roll of toilet paper. Today can fuck right off.
I don't trust my subconscious. It sleeps with my exboyfriend sometimes.
Do I have to cook for the potluck? Can I just bring a costco size bottle of Vodka?
Dude I may be rolling but there's no way I can make up a 12 ft tall giant green man waving to me right now
False alarm, security just told me it's a radio tower
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