I just heard a woman call her child a butt face. Repeatedly. He's crying now. I love walmart.
I often get tempted to walk up to her drunk ass and say, "shouldn't you be taking care of your kid?"
just went to my meeting with last nights make up still on, not wearing a bra, and the 14 shot tallies still on my wrist.. My advisor's questions should be answered as to why I'm not in my major yet.
Drank another frat president under the table. Thinking of starting my own, gonna call it Alpha Phi Alcoholics
theres pictures of him knuckle deep in her, both of them thumbs up and cheesin. someone should take her kid away
You'd think, but when you nail one sorority sister, you might as well have nailed them all.
Shout out to this stomach virus for helping me prepare for whatever slutty Halloween costume I decide to wear.
Girl, we were harassing people from the top of a building. I don't know how I got down, but I'm eating chocolate cake in my kitchen. Sall good yo.
Don't call police on the strange man passed out in his car in the driveway. I'll be home around noon to collect him.
My wife managed to convince me to not drink everclear by threatening to ban me from her vagina
All I know is if i get a free preview weekend of HBO then I am recording Kindergarten Cop.
Um, when I went down on you it got stuck there. Still had gum in my mouth. Didn't exactly have use of my hands to assist
It began the way the best stories do—with some naïve jackasses in a place they had no business being at.
Found like seven bruises in the shower. One was shaped like a hand. Best. Sex. Ever.
I'm sorry for chipping my tooth on your vagina last night :(
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