Its not like he dircectly choose a cheeseburger over sex, it was more like I said seductively "I really appreciate this and I'm going to make it up to you anyway I can" and he replied "i want a bacon cheeseburger"
i guess he just knew i was going to sleep with him either way
I just spent the last hour reading customer reviews on amazon.com for the book "it hurts when I poop." Send help.
Ill do this for you.
You are a team player.
This is me making up for not putting my tongue inside you more.
Probably should plan this out. Step one: grow stache. Two: get trenchcoat. Three: Kidnap Selena Gomez.
I had better be fucking involved with step four.
I hope that the reason I've been psycho on him is that I'm pregnant and not just psycho.
Last night, my friend changed all my contacts in my phone. I have been texted by Batman, Donatello, and Hermione Granger. I have no idea who they are, and it doesn't upset me at all.
Either I'm tripping balls or my dog has super powers.
There really needs to be a redbox for wine because I want some but too lazy to walk into a store
There is a midget driving a powered tricycle around town. I am not drunk, stoned, or lying.
Also I just took Ritalin with coffee so if anyone wants to know what numbers sound like, I got you
Concept: I never actually flirt with anyone, I'm just a bitch and some people find it endearing
Tip of the day: Don't Amazon vibrators when your WHOLE FAMILY uses your prime account. There's dildo after dildo showing up in my "Related to Items You've Viewed" category on the home page.
Drunk is not a location!
Shit is getting real. I just adjusted my search radius for my dating profile to ANY FUCKING WHERE
I just had a flashback to me puking and you telling me it was okay because my boobs still looked awesome.
Randomize
