Just found out my drug dealer is also a porn star. It's a good day.
its 9am. i just got home. spent 6 hours blowing him in a closet last night
Umm you don't wanna know how many "I'm sorry for calling you last night" fb wallposts I just had to write...
Drunk me thinks I can light up a cig anywhere, sober me finds this hilarious and highly irresponsible. The grocery store is not a bar.
Don't make fun of the drunk girl eating bread out of her pockets. I've been that girl.
I've lost all respect for marriage since I joined this bachelor party.
trapped on the roof of the strip club. help
PAAAANTS ARE FOR AAAASSHOLES
Oh my god i hate key west. No one takes amex and strippers took all my money
as i sobered up i realized that her cute accent was actually a speech impediment
I can't turn off my feet"
Cheez-its and a bottle of cab...for under $10 you could win this girls heart
Sex in a hot air balloon, top that one!
All I need is $1,500, a beach ready body, a bigger dick & this will be the best spring break ever.
I walked in on a circlejerk after punching that guy out. Instant karma.
Randomize
