They left shortly after you claimed the dirty rug as your mattress and began alternating between singing "Dayman" and "Nightman"
he will always be the guy i fucked in the hallway.
And apparently midway I said "hurry up and finish so we can talk about what a bad idea this was"
Minus the pink eye. Do I look fuckable tonight?
Is it mean to convince my old booty call she used me for sex so I can bang her again before I leave for Denver?
I was out with the drag queens until 7am. This is the hangover I needed to kick my ass back to sobriety. Dear Virgin Mary, fuck my life.
I need to hump something and I know u understand.
holy fuck man...it feels like I got beat the fuck out of by death's baseball bat...chimichangas?
I went in to wake you up this morning and you had a condom draped across your throat like a necklace. There were no boys in the house last night, what were you doing?
Can you rollerblade?
No, why?
Honestly, I was high and picturing us roller blading together. I wanted to see if I could make my dreams a reality.
I'm just opting for alcohol abuse, ramen and cuddling with my dog for now.
Of course I have a pirate flag
I mean, "boo" isn't the appropriate response to someone dying...
I just sent a dick pic to a number on Craigslist, this may be my new low
Weird. And pubic lice are now endangered so your hairy balls can rest easy
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