You stuck the head of a rubber chicken you found in her house up your ass and then started running around her living room. Naked.
oral is when you put your mouth on someones privates and play moterboat or popsicle
Sometimes I wish I could peel his face off and use it to take all the money out of his account.
Just threw up in nordstroms while shopping for moms bday with dad. He distracted workers for me. No more tequila
I miss your penis. I'm telling you this as a friend, like its just a really great penis. You should be proud of it.
last night a police horse bit me when i was wasted. even the animal kingdom knows i'm no good
I can't tell if they're having sex or watching the beach scene from Saving Private Ryan. All I know is I hear explosions and men screaming and crying
I wonder what chicks would think if they learned that when we add them on fb we email their bikini pics to each other.
Why do I have the 4 of hearts in my bra?
Haha we got sick of drinking on 4 is for whores so we stole the cards...I woke up with three of them in mine
drunken problem solving at its finest
It's gay pride, I'm in my EMT uniform getting more girls than your straight ass ever will..
I probably won't go. Last time I got drunk with those guys I just started demanding people let me touch their beards.Then I mocked everyone who didn't have facial hair.
He was simultaneously rubbing my shoulders and fucking me. I'm keeping him.
Seriously if we go to rome ur fucking me into the sunset on a wrought iron balcony overlooking Vatican City
I guess I was telling girls last night that I was a virgin with terminal cancer again
Did I tell you I drunk fucked my one roommate last week
Uh no
Randomize
