Never again. Her vagina looked like a sad old man.
I refuse to go to this wedding alone, or sober. Practice drunk-walking in heels and a Bridesmaid dress begins tonight.
Ripped lines in the bathroom before my presentation.. Got bonus marks for my enthusiasm.. This is why I love drugs
Everything was going great until my fake mustache fell off when we started making out.
Fuck romance. Just shaved my nipples in the shower because I felt like it. That's the life I'm about.
You don't know what lonely is until you've came in an Arby's Napkin
he was definitely tindering while i gave him head
They were out of soap so you started calling yourself a dirty bitch
So this is my life now? Laying in bed texting about Hulk penis?
Crying into a glass of wine at 10 am isn't exactly how I planned this day to go
Pooled our money and rented a bouncy castle for the day. Get over here now. Bring vodka.
Doing shots with my high school valedictorian. Bucket list
His dick is curly. It's adorable.
still drunk.please come get me.he kicked me out because i couldn't stop laughing about passing out in the middle of taking his virginity.
you were just in my dream and you looked at me and said "Christmas is cold." I think you're wasted even in my dreams.
Randomize
