Do you want the good news or bad news first?
bad news
The bad news is i thew up on your bed, the good news is i found out who ate your cheetos.
i tried slipping money on her dresser whenever she brings guys home hoping she'll start to question her goals in life... i think its only encouraging her
As we walked into his room, he said welcome to the hurt locker. I should have left, but I love that movie.
After the tests come back negative, you guys will look back on this evening with fond memories...
A worker across the alley is wearing your sombrero sans cat barf.
I started singing the national anthem on a train in London. Happy 4th of July assholes
My dad and I just got asked if "we wanted a more intimate setting for our date". The world is coming to an end.
Note to self: Don't go home with a recent divorcee. Semen and tears.
Seriously? A BAR is SPONSORING my 21... What did you do for your 21 again??
Terrible hangover + phoenix airport + pizza hut....I think I might have entered one of the levels of hell.
If you can't seal the deal with her, I will. And you know I'll be successful. So there's your incentive
He got naked after doing the Ice Water Challenge and it was still enormous. So, yeah, I stayed over.
Well I finally got to say all the things I wanted to say. Including telling him he looks like a naked mole rat
What did you do with the dog when you went into the club?
coat checked
He's here walking around DRUNK AS FUCK in a Kobe Bryant number 8 jersey... Tucked in.
Randomize
