I just projectile vomited in a Methodist church parking lot. If Jesus didn't love me before he sure as hell doesn't now.
do you think a sharp knife would stab through a cheese suit?
doing laundry. just found my fishnets from Friday. the ENTIRE crotch is torn out. guess that answers the "did we have sex in the cab" question.....
He practically cut off his thumb and she offered him a tampon to stop the bleeding
Cry into your wine glass and then drink the tears, it's like the fountain of youth
just peed on my shirt somehow, im calling it a day
I just want to like fall into a pit of hot wings beside a keg of yingling and eat my way to freedom
do you ever feel so high you're swimming backstroke and then you realize you're still laying in bed on tumblr
We're shaving superhero symbols into our pubes. I call dibs on Batman.
I had to ask him for a dick pic. Do you know how refreshing that was?
The council and I are about to open up a bottle of malort.
UPGATe: THE COUNCIL AND I HAVE AGREED TO BAHN MALORT FROM THE HOUSEHOLD
Him showing up yesterday was like a giant ego stroke for my vagina.
So will your sis find it a compliment if I tell her I lost out on some awesome dick to go to her bday dinner???
All I want is a hot dog on a Saturday at 2:19 is that to much to ask?!
we just got sex advice from a midget. You better fucking get here.
Randomize