i just met rob pattinson in italy. he's so stupid, i feel like i would have to say "your penis goes here!"
guess you're going to miss out on a groin massage and a frosty vagina
So Ive been fucking her for the past couple months and i just found our that my grandfather and her grandmother were fuck buddies for a while. I feel like this is a new awesome family tradition that skips a generation.
i just burped and it tasted like condom. please tell me i wasn't lame and made that guy wear one for a bj last night.
either i blacked out mid-sex but remember the beginning and end, or he really only lasted a couple of minutes
im calling her cock vulture from now on
It hits you later. Like when you wake up on the floor under a puzzle later.
So for future reference.... it's a little unnerving when I can't get hold of you, and the last communication we had was, "Oh fuck... It's tequila"
All I know is I was dancing to Shakira in his alley and I think rubbing my junk on his car door.
Old woman told me I looked like her son and then she started explaining to me how she wanted me to fuck her
I think my boss gives me work off weekends because he doesn't want me showing up hungover anymore..
I'm going to be drunk and braless all weekend. Let the festivities begin!
my mom snuck into my room, washed her clothes and made her breakfast. what the fuck she's a better boyfriend than I am
He played me Kanye.. Speaking my love language.. He got a well deserved BJ
You just had sex during the movie Radio. This is an all time low
Randomize
