It's always a relief to be able to look at some one, and remind yourself that there IS some one who gets laid less then yourself.
apparently vodka and oj turns green when you throw it up
basic color theory
Wow, you know I need to stop drinking alone when I pour my drink into my hand and offer it to my dog,
I think even Ryan Seacrest is disgusted with the thought of Ryan Seacrest getting some.
i told her that i loved her pillow breasts and then she asked me if i wanted to motor boat them. so yea, i do need the room tonite.
My sheets, bed, and bathroom are covered in blood. She needed 14 stitches after a trip to ER. This is the last white girl I ever hookup with.
im trying to find a facebook picture of him that doesnt make me regret sleeping with him. its not working
I'm sorry I kept calling you a pussy... but to be fair, you were being a pussy.
it's the amount of time you spend on preventing me from puking that really cements this friendship
Do you think casino weekend will remind us once again that we in fact are not mature enough to be this old?
I left after he drunkenly went into the kitchen and started to make eggs with a shitload of garlic. First time I'd ever had a makeout session interrupted by eggs.
One minute I'm going home the next I'm getting railed on the back 9.
He's a douche. But I like the way he chokes me.
They were out of watermelon smirnoff, so we got you a fifth of 5 o'clock and an actual watermelon.
I just puked in a chili’s bathroom... happy birthday to me
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