I have no idea where we are. But it doesn't look dirty so I don't think we are in jersey yet
Ya I fucked her.. But now Melissa is gonna find out
Just tell her that in a man's never ending war between his heart and his dick... His heart never wins
The fact that I am sitting home writing a resume while you're out inducing vomiting makes me feel like way more of an adult than I'm ready to be.
that was probably me. ive bitten a lot of people.
I knew the night had taken a turn when we showed up and our flabongo was being chilled in the freezer.
His penis makes me feel like a mystic dragon sliding down a turbo slide covered in white gumdrops and sour cashews
Same.
God only knows how I ended up there doing crown royal shots to the titanic and insighting a bar wide shit fest when I asked the dj to play levels
There is not greater feeling than lying to your boss and leaving work to shit in the comfort of your own home
I don't save the phone numbers of guys I don't like. That way it's a surprise when a random number texts me and tells me I have great tits.
I just spent 20 mins in the shower washing n rewashing my body to get rid of stripper. I even loofa'd my face.
I just had the best counseling appointment lets fucking rage
Some guy Just sang about my ass on the street
It was terrible lyrics but I would have thrown my life savings into that guitar case if I had any.
Somehow i instagrammed my acceptance letter while blacked out. Then my grandma was the first to comment on it. I got over 50 likes....Phd here I come....
And with one simple text you can separate the men from the boys...."it's that time of the month."
Don't be upset because I bitch slapped you with intelligence
Randomize