seriously i just wanna be friends
pass
i am YELPING strip clubs. This is interesting.
he thanks me after handjobs.
you found the perfect man.
she reminds me of the first time i discovered masturbation. that's how you know it's true love.
i was so fucked up i thought i was at home depot
He said to me this morning that we should finish these beers, go and get plan B then on the way back, go to the pub to celebrate the death of our baby. I love Manchester.
You're my spirit guide. This has to do with oatmeal cream pies.
Yo, I can't just ask my mom where she relocated my vibrator to, can I?
dude, I convinced you I was your conscience for like 15 minutes last night. you weren't just "a little high"
I like how zombie Abe Lincoln and hooking up with a girl were on your same thought process.
How the fuck can he download so much porn but not know how to find the Skype app?
Things that don't wash off in the shower: black eyes and hickies.
So my furniture is upside-down, two lamps are glued to the ceiling, and there is a kitten sleeping on Kyle's face. Please tell me what happened last night....
I'm going to draw something on my chest and I need to incorporate my nipples. Any ideas?
Dude, I'm pretty sure I just drank iced tea last night and yet I'm still hungover. What the fuck is my body anymore ?
Randomize
