I just farted so loud that my cat got so scared he fell off the couch.
I just saw a commercial for "tickle me elmo hands" and I am almost 100 percent sure that at the end elmo said "yeaaaaa boooyyyyyy"
If your 8 lb baby was ham it would serve 6-8 people
Just saw a baby with a T-shirt that read "I am the result of my mother forgetting to take her magic pills". I can't believe they make shit like that.
My night sucks. It's really hard to masturbate with a broken finger.
Well, as a member of the greater american southwest gay community I just have to mark this as a total loss and you will be missed.
I'm laying in bed with a case of beer,.. That's how this break up is going..
Walk of shame. Stopped at an estate sale on the way back to the house. Old lady pulled a condom wrapper of the back of my hoodie. beat that
Go to hungover. Go directly to hungover. Do not pass go. Do not collect 200 dollars
Observations from Vegas: #1. Strippers pasties pose a choking hazard. #2. Best. Heimlich. Ever.
We had sex last night...... This "Friends" thing is going well.
All I did was call him a fucker when he took my pot. He didn't have to arrest me.
please don't forget about the bread in the toilet i am absolutely not dealing with that
how do i say "cradle the balls" in Italian
If it's any consolation she turned out to be has a collection of clown dolls she talks to crazy. And the cops knew why I was calling when she key locked the door from inside.
Randomize
