Raging hang over. 6AM finish. Shat on a bag of trash in an alley. D L that last bit.
Raise your hand if you bought 2 annoying girls shots of water. CLOWNS.
Make note: the first date is too soon to make the "condoms are only for making balloon animals" joke.
how many americans can say they have been laid before eating their first big mac?
A gentleman never tells..... therefore i will neither confirm nor deny the attatched photos
I woke up this morning to find a stuffed animal submerged in the toilet. I'm not entirely sure if it was the cat or Kara.
Dad was on the deck drinking straight bourbon. He stopped, puked on his feet, and then continued drinking and talking about compound interest.
Holy sore nipples Batman
unless you want this visit to have a different tone... more romantic, less molly in a hotel room
I mean, if you want to light yourself on fire for maximum accuracy, far be it from me to stop you
On a scale of "huh, that's interesting" to "holy porn stars, batman". How good?
Definitely closer to "holy porn stars, batman".
You took the receipt and ate it. You then took it out and gave it to the waitress with slobber and holes all over it.
Dude, the T Swift concert might not be so bad after all. Can you say milfs living vicariously through their teenage daughters? Score.
no real plans this weekend. trying to derail the alcohol induced fucking hell train I've been riding for the past three weeks.
He’s disease free and drives a Porsche. What else does a girl need?
Randomize
