what the fuck were we smoking when we had a conversation about how my brother would be so proud if i fucked an orange alien?!?
These 3 days between Christmas and new years when all the bosses are on vacation are essentially a competition to see who can do the least amount of work
Just found out I slapped a vegan in the face with meat last night.
she wouldn't stop crying, so we sang her to sleep. i'm guessing you will find her in the same position by the toilet in the morning. night.
Well, I didn't bring a notebook or any paper to class. Should I take notes on the sugar packet, lace thong, or condom wrapper that instead are in my school bag?
We just filmed our own version of iron chef. The secret ingreient was whisky.
What did you cook with whisky?
We started a fire.
We have 10 gallons of home brew. And james has an amazonian blow dart weapon that sticks in bags and the wall. Come over
Just saw you in traffic. You may have noticed me, I was the corpse driving the white car.
There is a mobile STD testing unit set up at my place of employment. In the lunchroom. I may need to reevaluate my career choices. And my lunch plans.
This is not a costume party, I'm just wearing fairy wings.
Of course you are.
Also, I called my liver hardcore in front of vet students last night and then wound up having three of them trying to palpate it. So...not saying that again.
Awk moment when I forgot to tell my hookup about visitor parking so he got towed
It was a glorious ass. He has amazing hands. I want to fuck him until he can't do math anymore.
Why does my nose taste spicy?
How do you know what your nose tastes like?
I'll give you another blowjob if you bring me some cake.
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