I wish your couch was made out of beer. I would drink like half of it.
My family is watching Intervention and taking notes. I need to leave NOW!
Welp, she's chewing our paper towels again. She's like an obnoxiously hot puppy
Totally using formspring as an incognito way of making sure that girl from last night wasn't jailbait.
Im still alive. Just can't talk. Or move. No need to worry
On a scale of 1 to 3, with 1 being the smallest and 3 being the largest, what size nipple pasty do you think I am?
The stripper just invited me to take shots with him out at his car after he gets off stage.. I mean why not? I've already seen everything he's got and it'll be easy to get him naked.
I just feel like everything is too perfect
He's probably a serial killer or chronic masturbator
Or both. Which is common
Like if a baby's bottom had nipples, that's how my boobs feel
I sent "Rawrrrr" to 151 matches on Tinder. I feel like thats a substantial size of the DC female population.
me and him got disney princess makeovers at disneyworld. this is why gay guys make the best friends.
WHITE RUSSIAN BREAKFAST CEREAL.
Quote of the night award goes to my father "I like wearing my swim trunks around the house because they are cooler and more blousy for my balls". Yay dad
Your slutty phase was the highlight of my year.
I honestly think sometimes all you need is a $2 alcoholic punch poured from a jug into a big glass to feel better. I guess abblebees is my new problematic fav
Randomize
