This is your Morning Wood Report: I have it.
Yeah apparently i got lonely because everyone was hooking up so i took matters into my own hands. I woke up on the floor spooning a vaccuum cleaner, a mop, 40 paper cups, and industrial grade detergent.
Just so everyone's clear, it was already on fire when I got there.
In less than 3 minutes we had 3 security guards running after us
Of course the bar would go completely silent right as I yell out "I don't have AIDS"
Why the fuck did I wake up in a chair with mouth clamps?!
Totally just drove past you riding your bike. I was like damn, that looks like a cute little hipster boy, and then I realized it was you and that I'd already banged you and it kinda made my day. I hope you're well. Come over soon?
I've never wanted to punch a 94 year old woman in the vagina, and then call her next of kin to tell them I just muff punched their Gam Gam until today.
It's like Jesus got stoned and this would be the sandwiches he'd make
He's good looking but he really sounds like kermit the frog, can you imagine how fucking him would sound like?
I've seen you go skiing on a Tuesday, but you think you're too good for TGI Friday's?
Sooo i'm debating posing nude for the drawing and painting classes, I just wanna see if they draw my nip ring.
You don't feed me, fuck me, or fulfill me.
i need to get drunk because i'm an angry sober
I got home and he was wearing a suit. He said he reason was because it was shirt and tie Saturday and that he won't change until midnight. He then proceeded to answer the door in a British accent.
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