those are such fre$h shoes
going to ignore the use of the word "fresh" in a sentence that isnt related to produce and/or other food stuffs and especially the part where you replaced an "s" with a dollar sign
so apparently telling her she could shit easier and therefore lose weight faster wasn't the best arguement for getting anal.
I just made out with a girl with a life jacket on wtf is going on
I woke up to a topless girl handing me a blunt. Candidate for greatest wake-up ever?
im covered in puffy paint and glitter i cant find kevin and im wearing shoes that dont belong to me....come get me please
There was a picture of him proposing on the night stand and their dog watched, but I can't help myself, his dick is just so perfect.
just woke up to a get well card i wrote myself when i was drunk. it was by the advil. i am a cocky bitch.
Dude sorry but it totally wasn't worth going back in there for yous shoes
I should start wearing my Batman shirt more often when I drink. Good things happen. All sorts of shit.
body shots are frowned upon at family weddings. i'll keep that in mind next time. maybe.
Also, I wish we had magnetic nipple rings and our boobs stuck together.
Was it you I was with where I saw a guy open a beer with his butt?
I'm way too hungover for life right now
I'm eating pizza in the bathtub
Planning a vacation around my dog. I have become one of those dog moms.
Randomize
