i asked him to tell me something nice and he said "your vagina is really tight."
I've eaten ice cream, mentos, an extreme gulp and swedish fish today. i feel like diabetes. the actual disease not a person with it.
i feel like a lion cub that has been breast fed for years, and mom has left, and now i have to learn how to hunt on my own
Using Dr. Seuss quotes to ask me how badly I want your penis is not appropriate.
My mom asked me to donate my child hood stuffed animals to the poor then I realized I was hiding liquor behind them. I told her I was too attached to them. She understood. Wrong in so many ways.
To say the least, now you know you're a proper lady, passing a field sobriety test in heels...
im just gonna lie here and collect money in this whoppers bag while sprawled out on this bench and explain that its to buy weed for my hangover
We could supplement the Tour with Edward Andre-hands. Because 40s are for the 99%.
I wouldn't blow him for all the queso in the world.
I'd rather blow that homeless guy who asked me to breast feed him.
nope. It turned out i wasnt the drunkest person asleep in tacobell parking lot.
Can you come get Dustin he's putting taco bell fire sauce on cigarettes trying to light them again.
At what point in life does one make the conscious decision to incorporate capes into everyday life? Like, as a fashion statement?
I'm not sure how to answer that. Is it a general question or one you're wondering about for yourself? Because I don't think you're there yet.
I wouldn't be too worried. He's been known to chase a chubby before.
THAT IS NOT HOW YOU TALK TO YOUR SISTER
SORRY FOR THE CAPS. I DIDNT CHANGE IT IN TIME AND ITS TOO FAR TO GO BACK NOW. PS IM SUPER BAKED
Even my fuck buddy told me I needed a boyfriend. Fml.
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