I made out with a fat chick last night in a hot tub... btw I am breaking up with you
i kinda want to bang the mythbusters girl... i bet she's got a nice snapper
worst hand job ever. my dick is about as raw as that sushi your mom wanted me to try.
He told me he had more lines than a plaid shirt
Im doing kagels to the beat of Christmas music... "Jingle Bells" is hard. Try it.
I love Welcome Back Week...No I wont accept your god but i will accept that hot dog
Drawing dicks in the frost on people's windshields is a rare joy I allow myself while walking to my 8 AM class.
Come get me...we were walking home and she kept yelling "people need to get run over more!" then she just sat down in the middle of the street saying "it just feels right."
Just got outta the drunk tank! Happy 21st birthday!
I talk a lot when I drink rum. he was going down on me and i was telling him how i wished i could tap dance. oh god
I was woke up by the fucking Star Spangled Banner this morning. I sat up in bed and put my hand over my naked heart. I was so confused
Hold on... Are we having an intellectual conversation about porn?
Yup
I love us.
I say "glasses of whiskey" like I didn't chug it out of the bottle
I can't believe i lost my ID... bringing my birth certificate to the club was a weird experience
Hey, what's a nice way of saying "Why'd you send me a picture of your boobs last night" without seeming ungrateful?
Randomize
