i half slept with him but i still dont owe you any money
Latenightwjoannablackberrywontletmespaceitknowsimdrunk
I sat a few seats down and one row behind a cute girl at the Cubs game today. Having watched her talk to the guy next to her, I found out only her name and age. I then used that information and pieced it together with over 500 girls on Facebook with the same name. I found the same girl, and we're now fbook friends.
if being a creepy fuck was an olympic sport, they'd think you were using performance enhancing drugs...
I just fell down the stairs in the library and further deviated my septum. That's why I don't study.
My only objective is to get drunk enough to forget the last 364 days.
She told me she gets scared easily and that I had to protect her. Then I made a condom joke that ended up making her cry... All bad dude
Told some chick I'm a virgin, on my way to her house as I type this. Debating crying afterwards to fuck with her head.
I let him do a line off my nipple in exchange for his prescription pain pills. I feel like 3/4 Vegas stripper, 1/4 underbelly of society.
Bailing my boss from jail at five in the morning.. If thats not a promotion I don't what is.
I like that you're Jewish, because you can rail me on Christmas Eve and it won't be weird.
Did I really drink that whole bottle of Jack Daniels last night?
Heroically.
look for me at the Giants game I will possibly be the drunk girl passed out by 2nd
Something like; Dear Cupid, when are you going to send me someone to date that isn't a complete psychopath
I've got a surprise in the fridge when you get back.
Is it a puppy?
If I get back to the house before you, I'm setting up the swing. If you get there before me, it's chains and cuffs.
Randomize
