just woke up with a thong on my face, dont remember going home with anyone and its way too big for it to be a good thing
we found you standing over and eating out of my neighbor's garbage can
we all know badassery is carried on the XX chromosome
I am not saying a eulogy for your vibrator.
I thought making out with his sister would be a great way of meeting him. But it backfired.
She answered the door wearing a blanket and holding a golf club. I was too late for this party.
4pm update. Theres smashed cake inside my duffel bag, a vodka bottle in the dish drainer, and the most productive thing ive done is make 40 pigs in a blanket
This is your morning news. Today at 5 pm I will be going out of town until the 29th. If you would like some great sex before I leave, please contact me. The available packages are: a house call, an outdoor excursion, or a delivery style in-car quickie. available only while supplies last.
i sound like a 75 year old homeless man that has spent all his panhandling money on cigarettes since he was 12. that rough.
Finished watching the entire first season of mighty morphing power rangers. Now I have nothing. Not even a life.
It's hard to judge what a reasonable amount of cereal looks like in the spaghetti pot. We're out of cap'n crunch and milk.
when you're a senior and the freshman guy you wake up next to asks who you are, you DO NOT give him your real name.
Looked like a bag of smashed assholes and smelt like a brewery - still got morning sex. Marriage rules sometimes!
I'm bleeding and intoxicated as I'm walking to my final right now. Wish me luck
the cop said "drunk and disorderly" like it was a bad thing
Randomize
