you kept eating the heads off the gummy bears and screaming 'euthanized!'
Last night we hooked up in nothing but out UK shirts during half time. Never say I'm not a dedicated fan again.
Just checked my phone. Sometime last night I googled sex positions in a tent. Was there even a tent there?
he signed me a blank check so today i get to decide if i want to be a saint or a millionaire
he told me he could still feel the blowjob i gave him last year
wow. THAT good huh
You're married and I'm going to make out with a stranger tonight. Isn't that weird? It's like a gap in the time space continium.
Hardest I think I've ever had to work for a shack. Whatevs. Still gonna get my way though. I'll start respecting myself on Monday
Alive.
So much puke
I could just tape a camera with a live feed to my head & you could check in on me from time to time
Wait... All I had to do was ask for a sandwich and you would have come over
You told me I couldn't make out with you until I added you on LinkedIn
you did that thing you do when youre drunk where you rant about bruce springsteen, start hooking up with someone and then pass out midway through
That Kevin guy is something else...His penis is fucking glorious. And he has a way with words. If he lived here I'd be the conductor of the fuck caboose. I mean literally I would never want to get off that thing.
Topless Tuesday? One of us will be really happy the other not so much.
I'm cuddly bitch. Deal with it.
Randomize
