He tagged himself in all of my pictures so he would get a notification if someone commented on it.
Restraining orders are what college is about.
I'm about to tackle a 10 year old off a sea doo
Dipping doritos in Grey Poupon. Why does no one treat me like the lady I am?
Things I had in my bed when I woke up: an avocado, a toilet brush, and a note that says thanks but no thanks with the number of taco bell on it. WHAT DID I DRINK?
Ok so last thing I remember was hugging a cop while vomiting
Not saying puking on the side of a cab was how I imagined freshman year of med school but...
I literally just force feed a guy flintstone vitamins after sex
It's amazing where one well timed dick pic can get you in life.
Currently googling hangover cures, which looks a lot like working from the perspective of my boss.
And then before we had sex he was quoting space jam to me
as I was leaving in the morning with his clothes on his roommate pops up and goes 'don't you dare steal that shirt, i gave it to him for his birthday'.
Interesting, I was always told to run away from crazy, but you seem to think we should run towards them dick first.
Do you know how difficult it is to masturbate with Christmas carols stuck in your head?!
Let's just say, I will never again lick an asshole.
Are you rolling a joint while doing homework?
No, I am rolling a joint with my homework.
Randomize
