I don't know how I got that girl last night. I feel like seal right now sans the scars
I went for the touchdown every play, and I think I ended up with herpes.
How does, "Im sorry I was such an intoxicated bitch, I didn't mean anything I said" sound as an apology.
i'm in workout clothes. this is progress.
im pretty sure while i was fucking her my dog was fucking her dog too
It's just a condom. Most people would commend me for saying I was going to start using them, and you're acting like I'm going to try heroin.
I've slowly been stuffing french fries down his pants. I'm at 31 and he hasn't even noticed.
He knows my period schedule but not my work schedule.
True but, who really needs money in europe? Just barter with sexual favors. A bowl of cereal is worth a blowjob.
You don't understand. This could be the last time I shave a star into my vag. Get over here.
I had a dream that I had to take a breathalyzer but then it turned out to be a bong....why can't that be real life?
He called me baby cakes during sex... Can U not
Last time I checked he was house sitting for his ex while she was out of town with some new dude. He was crying about how the guy told him to stay out of his whiskey while he was gone. That's whipped
Is offering to blow your HR rep considered an ethics violation?
You smoked too much and passed out, didn't you?
You know me so well.
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