Nice 2 c u showing ur bro some affection
If im going to fail a midterm I might as well be drunk while I do it
I came out of bedroom with my jeans on backwards, zipped AND buttoned. I have inconceivable talents whilst intoxicated.
the choice between paying your electricity bill and getting herpes medicine is a tough one.
Why the fuck is BBQ sauce coming out of my shower head?
I'm going to keep a tally of how many lives I ruin this summer. Starting today.
Already at 3 and it's not even noon.
Dear Penis Owner...our records show that you are overdue for servicing...please contact our friendly associates to schedule a thoroughly satisfying experience today...operators are standing by...
Threw up on the baby. National Tequila Day is the eve of National I'm A Horrible Nanny Day.
I LEAVE YOU TWO ALONE FOR 45 MINUTES AND ALL MY WHIPPED CREAM AND CONDOMS ARE GONE
He was having Sex and you yelled 'hot and dangerous!" and he responded with "if you're one of us then roll with us!" when he went to he bathroom I saw her getting dressed, looking mortified.
This is the fourth day in a row I've walked outside in the same pajamas. I think the neighbors have finally given up on judging me.
can we for just one second remember that I played with a homeless man's rat at st marks?
Let's just say we ended up at Denny's with a strippers shoe that we had to discreetly leave at the door to the strip club this morning
She only fucks to metal. I don't know whether to marry her or run for the hills.
Sometimes at I wake up from a dead sleep at 1am and call the bar just to hear the clink of the glasses and the pouring of the beer on tap in the backround
Randomize
