dear santa what can i do with your candy cane?
Im broke. I spend all my money on weed cigarettes alcohol and food. In that order. I cant even cut one of those because you know it'd be food. I already stopped getting my nails done just so i could support my bad habits.
he couldn't find his key, so we just had sex on his parent's porch while we waited for his mom to get home.
hey got me stoned for the first time when i was 14. there is no bond stronger
I feel like his dick looks like a decorative autumn squash.
Also since my birthday I've on average fucked a new guy every 12.5 days. I'm doing an excel spreadsheet
I'm drinking wine alone, eating leftovers, and cleaning my sex toys. For the love of god, do not graduate.
Trust me that one dick you don't want. It's like a whale... That's swam too many oceans...
Did you just send me an ass picture with a quote from the lion king?
What are you gonna do about it?
we managed to melt a few different forms of plastic into the cannibutter....
I'm gonna chug this bud light an might injure this high school penis, like I'm 17 again
He yelled "CARLI LLOYD" and then kicked the cake off the table. Soccer is making monsters out of us.
Hold on...did you Instagram a picture of you and your boyfriend while you were sending me dirty snapchats?
I'm hungover and eating lunch at an elementary school. The children are barking. Litrealy barking, like dogs.
You shouted “im bobby labonte!” In the process of shoutgunning a beer. He said you were too redneck for him...
Randomize
