I'm looking for sex. Do you know her?
Just saw a man in a wheel chair using his feet to push himself backwards through a crosswalk... good morning Atlanta
anyone who has a picture of a ferrari with the caption "mAh DreAM caR" is getting denied as my facebook friend.
She jerked me off while she drove us back from Denver going 70mph. It was both the scariest and most erotic moment of my life.
My dinner last night was 3000 calories of beer. Slept kneeling on the floor w/ my head on a couch
i'm getting the "you hooked up with my friends" speech from him. i'm returning with the "gotta keep my quota up" speech
Ur gonna wake up early as dick tomorrow to do some responsible shit but im the one up at 3 am right now cooking brats soaked in keystone light so fuck your falling asleep ass bitch
He kept telling me that something was trying to enter this dimension from another universe through his spine...
There's holes in the drywall and the beer pong table is a broken door on two barstools. You know they like to party.
He said I was doing well, so I stopped mid blow job to compliment his grammar. You could say I like intellectuals
Well, I crapped my pants in front of her entire family, was laughed out of their house, and I had to walk home with shit stained pants. So, yeah, it went really well.
When you sleep in the bathroom, you're no longer a guest.
'valentine' just autocorrected to 'cake robe' in my phone
I think that summarizes my life up pretty accurately
Whatever, ill dance on the bar at applebees, don't try and act like you're above it.
I'm not sure what happened. There's a frozen waffle in the floor and he's walking around with a curtain rod and making planes out of bread slices...
Randomize
