is it really this hard to find a guy i can fuck and have a good time with who doesn't ask where things are going btwn us?
you sound like my dream girl
Dude my date hates me, Im on a rooftop full of Turkish people, and Ricky Martin is blasting on the radio. I was wrong earlier when I said I have my shit together
It's always a relief to be able to look at some one, and remind yourself that there IS some one who gets laid less then yourself.
My gaydar just like overheated and exploded watching the male figure skaters on the olympics
I woke up hugging a loaf of bread and a water bottle this morning
My face left an imprint in the loaf...
I sleep with the gay men, they no longer have questions about their sexuality. No strings attached at it's finest and i get new shopping buddies out if it. It really is a win win situation.
You are my idol.
I tried to discuss modern art with a cab driver after explaining that I only had one shoe on b/c a pitbull ate the other one. Wtf. Call me when you can.
As far as drugs go, alcohol has all the elegance and precision of hitting yourself in the head with a hammer.
There are people taking shots out of a turtle shell.
Listen you let me know what you're doing after drinking rum punch all morning
HE STARTED HUMMING THE THEME TO STAR WARS!! WHILE I'M SUCKING HIS DICK!!
He sent me a selfie with his cat. He has found a way to my heart. And pants.
He's attempting to seduce me with thanksgiving-themed sexual metaphors... It's working.
I think this Canadian beach volleyball player might be my soulmate. We could check each other's shoulders for melanoma.
I wasnt 2 drunk i sobered up around the time we were shooting the fire extinguishers
Randomize
