If she sucks any more cock I swear she will be a spermivore
stranger just walked up to the fridge at the party, took the hawaiin punch out, drank it straight from the bottle, looked at everyone who stared in awe and said "im fucking thirsty" and put it back.
UD be completely fine. you don't lose control just keep a positive environment. for example i really want to lick the wall cause red is delicious but i don't have to.
boyfriend # 1 is in the bathroom and boyfriend # 2 is ringing the doorbell need back up this is not a drill i repeat this is not a drill
thinking back, the fact that our bartender was missing a finger shouldve been hint number one not to let him pick our drinks
I left boob prints on the hood of his car. Something to remember me by.
ALSO, bringing a stapler to the bar is a good idea
Also... I'm unsure what to do with my face while someone is choking me during sex. Like I feel like its hard to look flattering.
Just saw a man in a motorized chair roll by drinking a beer. It's 9:45 AM. I love Louisiana.
I just shit my bed. Go ahead and make your 40 year old incontinence jokes now.
we played his NES Classic. Turns out there is a warp zone to my vagina.
I would give away three of my own ribs to be able to eat myself out.
...ew
I'm not gonna lie, but for some reason I have this strong desire to watch porn with my pint of haagen das.
i really didnt think i was that drunk last night but the txts from unknwn #s that say i like your lace panties are def telling me otherwise
He’s like Batman if Batman went down on me and gave me multiple toe curling orgasms. He left without saying a word before I pulled the pillow off my face
Find out if he’s shared his techniques with a friend and set me up with him. You know I’ve always had a thing for Robin!!!!
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