Donna and I are betting on whether or not you are going to cheat on your boyfriend tonight....I said you wouldnt do it.
You might as well just give her the money now.
I just foul balled at work. I had taken off my coat too… had to go to the sink wash my hands then go back to the stall and pick up my coat. I hope the guy shitting in the stall next to me didn’t figure out what happened.
I woke up hungover and reached for a glass of water only to realize too late that it was vodka sprite with my splooge in it.
I just found glitter on my vibrator... whatever we're doing has to stop
i have only one word for you: 3somewithnorwegiangirls
Tonights theme there is the 7 deadly sins. Greed, envy, sloth, gluttony, sluttiness, fellatio and vodka.
Hey do you think you can sew an adult onsie with easy access if you know what I mean!!?? It must have bunny feet.
Maybe I'll just get really drunk on valentines day and tell him I think his penis is small
Let's be honest, your relationships fail because the man you're looking for is the equivalent of an intellectual blow-up doll.
He was spooning with the dog when I came home. Now shes afriad to go near him. Should I ask?
Medically speaking as your gynecologist and your girlfriend, that is not a rash.
And we're breaking up
How do you respond to a booty call from yesterday?
Today, my weed came in a pokéball. I officially love my dealer.
My mom just asked if I've gotten any girls pregnant how is your day going
She slapped a big dramatic bandage on my arm and people started buying me drinks...I plan on wearing a full body cast tomorrow night.
Randomize
