did it hurt when the cum got in your eye
not so much hurt, more like a stinging sinsation like mouthwash
I look better un-naked...
you announced to everyone at the bar "fuck girls. they're confusing. im gonna start having sex with boys now"
The future queen of Norway was pregnant with a druglord's baby when she met the prince. We still have hope.
The fact that I am sitting home writing a resume while you're out inducing vomiting makes me feel like way more of an adult than I'm ready to be.
She came to the party dressed as slutty elmo and then called me oscar the grouch for not wanting to bang her in the dumpster outside.
she is way to in-touch with her childhood
Hefty paycheck and not get wasted can't exist in the same night
Oh my god. He likes it up the butt. But loves womanly support. Omg. Its bad. Its bad. Ive had too much whiskey for this to be ANYthing except bad.
If I puke off the kayak tomorrow think nothing of it.
lesson #1 of freshman year: grinding with a sombrero is difficult
OMG. Hung over at my grandparents house. Threw up on 3 T-stops, countless snowbanks, and the grandparents driveway. Was proposed to last night. Bruised from head to toe from falling down 3 flights of stairs. Debating my intelligence because it seems that "happy new years" is too hard for me to spell. How were your new years festivities?
i love how you just walk into that dealer's house every time without knocking, yet you don't even know his name
It got weird the panthers lost and we started throwing wings at one another
I described my life as a 7 layer cake of death
Okay she just told me to turn the volume down on the fan. What does this even mean?
Randomize
