did you get my message about your dog?
no... is he ok?
no, i didn't see him when i was being chased out of your house. check your drive way :( sry
pick me up and take me to a bathroom i have to shit
no
the bathroom is right infront of the beerpong table
im sorry you werent invited but you live 2 blocks away PLEASE
Denial is the first step to alcoholism…and I don't hate it
can you please tell me why I'm bleeding so heavily from my ass and all my makeup is gone?
Whoever said drinking more helps a hangover didn't drink 96% of a fifth of whiskey last night. This is absurd.
Have you ever seen an entire lecture hall fist pump? It's magical.
we didnt even make it to the club...the two of us were sharing a plastc bag in the taxi puking into it.
He's currently surrounded by roughly 23 girls he fucked and never called. He may not make it out of here. Bar of doom? Or of redemption?
I received a sext from my girlfriend, and a deal for free chips and guacamole at chipotle at the same time. I have tasted heaven, and it is beautiful.
Just kidding. Don't worry, you're getting sugar and orgasms for Valentine's day.
He flipped me around so that we could have sex and both watch Die Hard... I think I found my sole mate. Merry Christmas to me!!🎄
And he put my hair in my clip while i blew him...and he did a good job
Saw a thong on the yellow lines of the street when I left this morning, are they yours by any chance?
somehow I wound up on the floor crying about his beard. then telling everyone I'd give him a "lesbian blowjob".
If you find out what that means, show me.
I realized today that the only things I'm guaranteed to have with me at all times are lipgloss, condoms and a USB drive. hmmm...
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