Hoooooo maaaaan
Yes?
I'm retarded. Again.
you broke into my aparment at three in the morning wearing long johns and offered me beer.
I want to drop kick Stephanie Meyer
you spelled her name wrong
not you too!!
Dude I was fucking my girl on the couch and her dog came up and licked my balls. Does that mean we just had a threesome?
sex on the roof is not as easy as it sounds
well isn't that the pot calling the kettle a make out whore
I just broke a sweat shaving my own vagina. Something has got to change.
Archery is over so let's go back to not giving a fuck for the next 3 years and 11 months
So I bring Danny back to the apartment for the first time and my roommate is curled up in the beanbag in the middle of the floor, wearing nothing but her uggs, high out of her mind and watching Harry potter... She offered us kettle corn.
He asked if he could come over tomorrow....
I just woke up on an unfamiliar floor, my shoes are gone, my suits covered in red lipstick and chocolate, and Im wearing sunglasses that say "Maid of Honor".God damnit I love this country.
just for future reference, lake water is NOT mix for hard stuff. nor is it an adequate substitute.
I just found out who gave her jelly shots. You owe me a new mattress.
I think I just pulled an onion peel off my boob from sleeping on their kitchen floor
Shout out to my liver for being the true MVP. It easily put in more work than LeBron or Curry this week.
Is it bad when your own grandmother calls you a whore?
Randomize
